Poor old Toon, they seem to be in a terrible state, the supporters believe they are the best, they are not, they turn on the team and Staff as soon as the team has a bad 45 mins...fact! They think they are one of the biggest clubs and deserve success.....they have won sod-all for 50 years, so what they need is a new owner, and here are the criteria they need to meet.

1) Be a Geordie
2) Thicker skinned than Simon Cowell
3) Richer than Christmas cake
4) Maybe a bit delusional
5) Probably a bit stupid

Well, there's only one person that fits the bill if you ask me - Heather Mills, your time has come.